


Man's Best Friend, and Other Deceptions

by StormySteady



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Anniversary, Domestic Fluff, Future Fic, Human-canine bonding, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:35:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2075244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormySteady/pseuds/StormySteady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagami decides to train Nigou as an anniversary present to Kuroko. He fails, mostly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Man's Best Friend, and Other Deceptions

**Author's Note:**

> A little while ago, I had the dubious pleasure of hanging out with a bunch of high-spirited puppies. I'm not sure how that event was able to inspire a monster 10k fic filled with tooth-rotting kagakuro fluff, but it did. 
> 
> Oh, and to avoid future confusion, this story assumes that canon Nigou is a puppy from a large breed, so he grows up to be pretty big.

 

_T-minus 3 weeks_

 

The first time that Kuroko mentioned “Friday the 28 th ”, Kagami didn’t pay any special attention to it. He had been busy at that moment with the immediate concerns of dinner preparation (stopping the pasta from boiling over, foiling Nigou’s efforts to sneak chicken from the countertop, the usual daily dramas) to respond to his boyfriend with anything more than a vague hum of assent. What he’d heard hadn’t sounded urgent, in any case- it seemed like Kuroko was talking about going to a new restaurant, or something?- and so there was no sense in making a big deal out of it. 

“We’ll have to get somebody to take care of Nigou that night. You know how he gets when he’s alone for too long.”

Most people didn’t need to hire babysitters for their housepets, Kagami groused silently. But then again, most peoples’ housepets weren’t 80-pound bundles of destructive energy that played by no man’s rules. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll figure something out.”

Kuroko thanked him, Kagami hummed again, and within a few minutes, dinner was on the table. 

Despite this distraction, Kuroko's remark continued to roll around in Kagami's head for the next few days, never really commanding his full attention, but continuing to tug at him all the same. It did seem a little weird that Kuroko was planning a date so far in advance. Maybe it was a holiday or a birthday or something? When he checked the calendar in his school planner, that entire week was empty except for a couple of basketball games and an economics exam. But some part of him knew that there had to be something special about that day, if he could only remember what it was. 

When it finally hit him two nights later, the realization reduced Kagami to a horrified, sputtering mess. Though this would have been inconvenient even at the best of times, the fact that his mouth was currently stuffed throat-deep with certain sensitive parts of his boyfriend’s anatomy made it all the more challenging.

Kuroko raised an eyebrow as Kagami pulled away, choking and gagging as he retreated to the foot of their bed. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

Ordinarily, the breathless quality of his voice would have made Kagami forget everything that was bothering him (and sometimes even things that weren’t bothering him, like how to breathe and form coherent sentences). But not today. Not when their first anniversary- the first anniversary of the best day in Kagami's whole freaking _life_ \- was less than three weeks away, and the redhead had completely and utterly forgotten about it. 

Kagami scrunched his eyes shut and buried his face in his knees. He was the worst boyfriend in the world.

He felt a gentle touch at his shoulder and had to force himself not to look up. He didn’t deserve to look at beautiful naked men right then. "It's okay," he heard Kuroko say. "My penis _is_ rather on the large side. You shouldn't feel bad about choking on its enormous girth."

Kagami swatted his hand away. "Tetsuya. Believe it or not, your sarcasm really isn't helping."

"That wasn't intended as sarcasm,” he explained. “Male genitalia is a dangerous and obstructive thing. It should be handled with caution."

Kagami tried to keep his eyes covered, ended up sneaking a glance at the teasing little smile on his boyfriend's face anyway, sighed, and melted. It was hard to stay angry when Kuroko was around. Even if the only person he was angry at was himself. 

"All right, then. If you want me to handle you with caution, that's what I'll do." He ran a finger down Kuroko's calf, heart speeding up at the contented smile that broke across Kuroko's face. Seeing that, he couldn't help but continue to touch him, tracing a slow path up the inside of his leg. But his guilt stopped him before he reached mid-thigh.

“Mm. That certainly is, ah, cautious," Kuroko said, regarding Kagami with a look of intense dissatisfaction as he pulled his hand away. “But it’s better than you retching all over the bed, so I suppose I can’t complain.”

Kagami crawled back between his boyfriend's legs, leaning over to give the inside of his bent knee a quick kiss. "It wasn't your fault, I'm sorry," he said. "I just got distracted for a second, and forgot what I was doing."

“You got distracted.” Kuroko nodded. “Ah. I see.”

Something in his voice right then gave Kagami a bad feeling. Penitently, he pressed his lips to Kuroko’s knee again, looking nervously up into his blank blue eyes as he tried and failed to figure out what he was thinking. 

“Well, not _distracted_. Just, I guess I remembered something suddenly. I couldn’t help it.”

“Do you often let your mind wander, when we’re having sex?”

“That’s not what I-”

Kuroko let out an exaggerated sigh. “I suppose there’s nothing else for it, then.” Kagami would have flinched if not for the small smile that had settled into Kuroko’s face. “If you’re too _distracted_ to suck my penis properly, you should just go ahead and penetrate me.”

This almost sent Kagami sputtering again. “ _Tetsuya-_ ”

But there was no escaping it. The redhead felt Kuroko leaning back, his ankles locking around Kagami’s waist as he drew him in to himself. From their new, closer position, Kuroko reached out to tenderly stroke Kagami’s face. “Do I have your attention now?”

 

Later that night, after Kuroko had made his point in the most exquisitely exhausting of ways and the two of them had settled down in each others’ arms, Kagami still couldn’t get himself to sleep. And for once, this wasn’t just due to Kuroko’s sneaky habit of stealing all the covers while he was sleeping. Although time and (cough) exercise had done a good deal to disperse the sudden panic that had gripped him earlier, nothing changed the fact that he would still have to think of a good anniversary gift for Kuroko. Not just a good gift- a _perfect_ one, one as perfect as his boyfriend had made Kagami’s world for the past eleven months.

If he had remembered the occasion from the beginning as he should have done, there wouldn’t have been a problem. He could have simply gone out to the mall one afternoon and come home with a nice present. He wasn’t sure what he would have bought, of course. He’d learned the hard way that Kuroko didn’t really appreciate gestures like expensive gifts when pretty much everything that Kagami had bought him before had gone unused. Well, except for that situation where, due to reasons and excuses, he had needed to buy him a pair of replacement uniform pants at the end of high school, but that was neither here nor there.

 Unfortunately, Kagami had blown all of his money on a pair of new basketball shoes last week. He hardly even had enough cash left to buy his boyfriend a vanilla shake, let alone a present good enough to show even a fraction of how much he loved Kuroko. 

The obvious solution, he reckoned, would be to get a part-time job. That seemed like a lot of trouble to go through for a single purchase, though, and in the thick of basketball season it might be hard to find extra time- but if it was for Kuroko, he would do it. Unless maybe he could think of something he could sell for some quick cash? All of the furniture and appliances in the apartment were technically his dad’s- even though the pair of them had moved into a new apartment together at the start of college, Kagami’s parents had said it was okay to take the stuff from the old place. So those were off limits, but maybe he had some old DVDs or books or something he could cash in on?

A clap of thunder vibrated the room right then, and Kagami felt Kuroko grip him in his sleep. He couldn’t turn over to face him without risk of waking his boyfriend up, since the redhead was acting as the “little spoon” that night, but he figured it couldn’t hurt to reach back to give his thigh a comforting squeeze. Kuroko hummed and snuggled him closer. 

As Kagami’s insides warmed and liquified, he wondered how good a price he could get for his Xbox… 

Kagami continued to mull over his options as the storm came to a head. It had started as just a few scattered lightning flashes, but the rain soon followed, beating against his windows like a million liquid flails. It was loud. Not too loud to sleep, but loud enough that Kagami didn’t notice the little scratching noises at their bedroom door until it was too late to do anything about it. 

The hinges squeaked, and Kagami groaned. Was this seriously happening _again?_ “Nigou. Nigou, no. Go sleep in your bed,” he grumbled.

The sound of footfalls paused, and for one shining moment, Kagami truly believed that the dog might just turn around and head back out the door. But then he saw a little disturbance in the shadows next to his bed, like Nigou was crouching down on his back legs, and _yup,_ yup, he was going to do it.

Kagami barely managed to roll out of the way in time before Nigou leapt into the air, landing heavily but precisely right in between Kuroko and himself. 

Predictably, this woke Kuroko up. “Taiga, what’s going-” 

Nigou silenced him with a lick to the face, and Kagami balled his fists as he heard his boyfriend _chuckle_ , of all things. “Oh, I guess he must be afraid of the storm. It was nice of you to let him in.”

“I didn’t let him in!” Kagami seethed, as he half-rolled, half-fell out of the bed in his haste to get away from the furry monster. “The little devil opened the door himself! Normal animals can’t _do_ that, you know. I swear, this dog…”

“Nigou is very intelligent. He’s not like normal dogs.” He could see a pale hand stroking the animal’s back as Nigou wiggled with contentment. “Wouldn’t you agree, Nigou?”

Nigou barked his assent. 

“But he’s not supposed to be in here! Aren’t you going to, I don’t know, yell at him, or something? Make him stop?”

“And make him sleep alone in a thunderstorm?” Two matching pairs of blue eyes looked over at him, imploring. 

Kagami raked a hand through his hair. This always happened. He and Kuroko always agreed on a bunch of rules for Nigou that they were going to start enforcing- just basic things, like no jumping on countertops or bolting after squirrels while on the leash or lying on top of Kagami and asphyxiating him in the night. But when push came to shove, Kuroko would always let the dog get away with whatever he wanted. And then Kagami would always let _Kuroko_ get away with whatever he wanted, and so here they were, with a massive full-grown dog that behaved even worse than he had as a puppy. As if it wasn’t bad enough that they had to have a dog in the first place...

This time, he was really going to get serious about Nigou’s obedience training, Kagami promised himself. Starting tomorrow. 

“Okay, okay. He can stay in here for one night,” he finally relented. “But next time he does something bad, you have to scold him, right?”

“Understood.” 

“And he has to sleep over on your side, got it? He’s not going to stay there between us and breathe all over my face and stuff.”

“Are you implying that Nigou’s breath is anything other than fragrant?” Kuroko asked. But all the same, he coaxed Nigou over to the edge of the bed and tucked him under the covers (the very covers that Kuroko had stolen from Kagami several hours previously). Kagami eyed the pair suspiciously, trying to gauge whether the dog had any intentions of returning to his former position, before finally slipping into his side. Just the very edge though, so that he could pop out a moment’s notice. 

_Tetsuya’s never going to train that dog, you know…_ Kagami thought idly, as he drifted off to sleep for a second time. _He says he wants to, but for such a stubborn guy he’s really a wuss when it comes to Nigou. He’ll never bring himself to be the bad guy._

He rolled over to crush his face into the pillow. It wasn’t much more comfortable, but it did help his frustration a little. _Ach, I guess if you want to get something done, you’ve got to do it yourself…_

And just like that, the anniversary gift question was answered. Kagami would train Nigou. This was something Kuroko really wanted, and which happened to be low cost- it was the perfect solution.

All that remained was, well… to train Nigou.

 

_T-minus 2.5 weeks_

 

Someone slammed a door down the hall from them, and a panicked Kagami minimized the window that had just been up on his computer. He’d decided to do this training thing in secret so that the effect would look more spectacular three weeks from then, and so he didn’t want Kuroko to burst in on him in the midst of incriminating research. Incriminating research like a certain Youtube video entitled “Large Dog Obedience Training with Guapo,” the most recent installment in the seemingly neverending chain of videos and websites that he had been studying.

As soon as he heard the voices of his next-door neighbors recede down the hall, Kagami sighed and brought up the window again. Of course it wouldn’t have been Kuroko, he was in _class._ He had better things to do then come home early and slam doors and stuff.

“Have I always been this paranoid?” he asked, looking over at Nigou. Right then the dog was fully engrossed with spinning around in hyperactive circles in their living room, holding a knotted rope in his teeth which illustrated the dangers of centripetal force as it swung closer and closer to the television. However, he did pause for a moment to wag his tail as the redhead acknowledged him. 

Kagami shook his head and returned to the video. Not only was he paranoid, but he must be crazy too, talking to a dog like that, as if it could respond...

“Now the first step in training a large dog, or any dog, really, is to convince them that you are the alpha male of the house...” the narrator continued. He was a tall, homely man with a thick British accent (as another precaution, Kagami had been conducting his research entirely in English). There was something subtly off-putting about the way he spoke which ordinarily would have had Kagami clicking the back button right away, but since this video had more than 4,000 hits, he figured he might as well give it a try. 

The narrator went on to outline several basic techniques that would enable an owner to assert their dominance over a large dog, using Guapo, his large and placid Saint Bernard, as a demonstration. Kagami couldn’t see any similarity between Guapo and Nigou in terms of temperament, but since their size was about the same, maybe some of the techniques would work. Couldn’t hurt to try, in any case. 

“Alright, furball. Let’s do this…”

He got up and grabbed some of Nigou’s favorite treats from the kitchen. As soon as Nigou heard the shaking of the bag, he predictably streaked over, barking up a storm and whipping his tail against Kagami’s legs. The redhead winced and stepped away, holding the treats aloft. “Hold _up_ , little guy. You’re not getting any of these until you’ve earned them. Now… _sit._ ” 

But no matter how sternly he looked into those wide blue eyes, he didn’t sense that he was getting through to Nigou at all. The dog remained stubbornly upright on all four paws, tail continuing to wag. So Kagami tried one of the tactics from the video. Setting the treats on the counter, he grabbed Nigou by the collar and held him firmly as he reached back to press down on his hindquarters. “Sit!”

Nigou wiggled out and darted under Kagami’s outstretched arm, toppling him down onto his butt and snapping the bag of treats off the counter as he went. 

“No- ugh, Nigou! Bad! Bad dog!” Kagami grabbed at Nigou’s collar again, but the dog hopped away, hovering just outside of his reach. “Do you think this is some kind of game?” he asked through gritted teeth.

Nigou’s only response was to wag his tail and wait for Kagami to come after him again. 

What had started as an obedience lesson devolved quickly into a battle of speed and wits between dog and disgruntled college student. And after it was over and Kagami lay panting on the couch, more out of breath than any one-on-one with Aomine had ever left him, he had to admit that the dog had won. 

He’d almost had him, though, Kagami lamented. There had been a moment there, when Nigou had been about to scramble over the back of the couch like he normally did and Kagami had managed to physically pin him against the ground before the deed was done, when he’d felt that maybe he was making headway. He had at least demonstrated that he was bigger and stronger than Nigou, and now that the dog knew that the training should go smoothly.

But then, well...

Kagami had always thought that the smile permanently glued to Nigou’s face wasa characteristic of the breed. That it didn’t mean he was happy or anything; it was just what his face looked like. He’d realized that he was wrong in that moment, when Nigou was straining against his arms and looking up at him with sad blue eyes and there was no smile to be seen on his little doggy face.

There were some times when Kagami could be strong. Like, when he was injured from basketball but kept on playing, or when he was holding back from punching Kuroko’s annoying old teammates, or when he attempted to stomach his boyfriend’s cooking. But right then, even though he knew that for all of their sakes Nigou really, really needed to learn to behave, he found that he couldn’t go through with it.

Sighing, he let Nigou go free. “But don’t jump on the couch that way though! You’ll break it!”

Kagami could have sworn that the dog had a smirk on his face as he proceeded to do just that. 

 

 

_T-minus ten days_

 

A week had passed since that first, ill-fated lesson, and Kagami had yet to teach Nigou a single thing about obedience. Whenever he told him to stay, Nigou rushed towards him. Whenever he told him to come, Nigou stayed. And no matter how many hours Kagami stole to read training manuals and watch videos, he couldn’t do a thing about it.

Even worse, Kuroko was beginning to suspect that something was going on. Well, “beginning to suspect”, “had known as a fact ever since the first glance he’d taken at Kagami’s guilty face more than a week ago,” one of those two had to be it. In either case, it was getting more and more difficult to navigate his conversations with Kuroko without giving the game away.

“You left campus early yesterday, isn’t that right? I wonder what you were doing.”

It was Sunday morning, and Kagami was up to his elbows in bleach solution and plastic gloves. They had resolved to give the apartment a good clean at least once every week, and, unlike other resolutions that they may have made in the past, this was one that both of them were determined to actually follow through on. Probably because they still remembered just how bad things had been after they moved in together a few months ago, when they had been too caught up in school and basketball and their own raging hormones to give housework a second thought. 

Their house had been a pig's sty back then, but a weird little part of Kagami still remembered those days with fondness. At the time, he couldn’t help but think that it had seemed like the beginning of their life together. Like Kagami had just been a side character in Kuroko's story up until then- dynamic, recurring, but ultimately nonessential-, and moving in together had elevated him to the role of co-protagonist. 

This feeling was stupid, of course. A year was not a long time to have been a couple, and so as far as cold, emotionless statistics went, it was probable that they'd break up at some point. Kagami knew that well.

But still. He couldn't help what he felt.

"Uh..." Kagami responded with eloquence. He rubbed the back of his neck with a hand, winging when he remembered that it was splattered with bleach. He hoped none of it had gotten in his hair. "Yeah, no afternoon classes on Thursdays. I'd originally planned on killing time at the gym, but then I got hungry and didn't have any cash on me..."

Kuroko nodded and returned to his dust rag as if this explained everything. "Ah. I should have known that Kagami-kun would be thinking with his stomach. However, next time you get hungry, you should come and find me. I don't mind sharing my lunches."

"As if I'd do that," Kagami said, shaking his head. "You just want an excuse not to eat the whole thing. But I keep telling you, basketball players should eat at least 3000 calories a day. And preferably at least a pound or two of hamburger."

"A Maji shake is 530 calories. I looked it up on the internet. So by your estimation, if I could just drink six of them per day, that would be-"

"Don't twist my words to make them mean whatever you want!"

Before Kagami could work himself into a truly satisfying rant, however, he heard a beeping in the next room that he recognized as his cell phone. Somebody had texted him. He began to pull of his gloves, but Kuroko stopped him. 

"I can go answer, if you want," he said. "My hands are less bleachy."

It wasn't a completely stupid suggestion- they had pulled that kind of thing before, when one of them had been in the shower or something and couldn't read and respond to texts on their own. But that was also why it was so dangerous. If this was the text that Kagami was expecting, he would rather be chased by a thousand overly affectionate pit bulls than let Kuroko get his hands on it. 

He jumped to his feet, nearly sending the bucket of bleach flying. "Ah, no need, no need, I'll get it," he said. The plastic gloves clung to his hands in all the wrong places, but he managed to get them off right away and slip out the door before Kuroko had a chance to respond to his sudden panic.

"Taiga? What is it? Could it be that the yakuza are after you again?" 

Some part of Kagami recognized that, if he really wanted to make it seem like nothing was going on, it would be in his best interest to laugh like he normally would at this ridiculous but sincerely delivered bit of nonsense. But the other parts of him were attentively reading the new message, growing more hopeful but also more nervous with every terse sentence. 

_"Got your email. Have been figuring out some possibilities since then. Meet me at the park by Seirin at 10AM tomorrow if you want to see what I’ve come up with."_

He sighed with relief. The previous night, in a fit of Nigou-induced frustration and misery that even a half an hour of cuddle time with Kuroko had been unable to quell, it had seemed like a good idea to send his former basketball coach a ranty and generally misspelled email asking if her experience as a personal trainer extended to non-human mammals and begging her for help. This missive had triggered a case of send-button regret as soon as he mailed it off, and he couldn't even imagine what Riko must have thought while reading it. 

(Well, actually it wasn't that hard to imagine- the whole message had a very "texts from last night" air, and so she more than likely thought that he'd sent it after some kind of degenerate Wednesday-night rager while under the influence of one or several mind-altering substances. But despite all that, she’d still been kind enough to consider his situation and agree to help him. 

Had Kagami ever mentioned how much he freaking _loved_ his former teammates?)

Relieved, he tapped out a quick, affirmative reply and returned to his cleaning duties. 

 

Despite the surge of gratitude he'd felt upon receiving Riko's text the previous day, when the time came to meet her Kagami still found himself inexplicably nervous. It wasn't as if the two of them had lost touch after Riko had graduated Seirin- on the contrary, she had made it to nearly all of their important games during his and Kuroko's last year in high school, and had even dropped in on a few practices to give pointers to the new coach. Maybe it was just a little weird because they'd never really met up alone, before?

Kagami continued to ponder this as Nigou, leashed and harnessed but still a formidable opponent, dragged him up the final hill to his old school. The redhead liked to think that there had been a little bit of improvement on the leash, at least- it had been more than a week since Nigou had tried to jump on any passerby, and that was a major improvement. Even though it had been years since the dog had hit his growth spurt, he still seemed to have the expectation that random people would want to pick him up and cuddle him and put him on their heads as they had done when he was a puppy. And so it followed in his little doggy brain that jumping on people could be considered an effective method of spreading delight and affection. 

Or maybe he _did_ realize how large he had gotten and how inappropriate it was to assault random strangers, but was determined to shrink himself back down to the size of a lapdog again through the force of wishful thinking alone. That could also be a possibility.

_What a stubborn animal,_ Kagami thought, trying to hide a smile. _Can't say it's a mystery where he gets it from, though._

Riko was already waiting for them in the park when the two of them arrived, even though Kagami had made sure to get there early to make it look like he was responsible and stuff. Nigou started wagging his tail like crazy when he saw the petite brunette, and then nearly tore Kagami's arm off as he tried to dash over to her side. 

"Calm _down_ , you animal!" Kagami yelled, yanking back hard on the leash to stop Nigou from knocking her on the ground with his violent affections. "Sit! Stay! God _damn_ it, Nigou!"

Nigou continued to ignore him as usual and kept a tight pressure on the leash, whining at Riko as if to summon her to his side. 

"Don't shout so much stuff like that. You'll just confuse him." 

Kagami spun around to face this new voice, almost dropping the leash in his surprise. His eyes widened as he saw who it was. "Hyuuga!"

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind," Riko said, her tone of voice making it quite clear that she actually couldn't give less of a damn about whether he minded or not. "Once I'd told Junpei about your email, he pretty much begged me to let him come. Something about wanting to... what was it, honey? 'Feel a little better about his life by watching people fail miserably in their own?' Thanks for getting us vending machine drinks, by the way."

Hyuuga's eyes widened, and he almost dropped the juices that he had been carrying over. "I said not to tell him that! Seriously, Riko!"

She shrugged. "I just think that, if we're all going to be working on this project together, Kagami should know what sort of a person you truly are..."

Kagami half-listened to their argument as he continued to monitor Nigou. The dog looked almost suspiciously peaceful at the moment, sniffing around in the grass around a nearby tree, but the redhead hadn't been born yesterday. He knew all too well how quickly the wind could change. And he’d be damned if he gave it a chance to.

"Okay, to be honest, I don't give a crap about who's here and why they're here and all of that. Do you think you can help me train this dog, or not?" 

Riko chuckled. "That's our Kagami, alright. Always the rude American." But to Kagami's relief, her smile gave way to that same serious look that she always used to wear during basketball games. "But yes, I think we can help you. We've put together a training regimen for Nigou to follow over the next week and a half. Let me show you some of the exercises that it includes..."

 

Two hours later, and Kagami was beginning to feel cautiously optimistic. It was clear that Riko had put in a good deal of thought into the matter. The exercises she'd shown him had been simple, sometimes even as simple as walking in a circle with Nigou on a short leash and dispensing the occasional treat if he “heeled” properly, but in Kagami's (admittedly amateur) opinion they could prove to be really effective. In any case, they seemed less chaotic than Kagami and Nigou's wild goose chases over the past few days had been. 

Some of their advice had been weird, like Hyuuga's insistence that he should break one of Nigou's chew toys every time he failed to respond to a command, or Riko's request that he shave off some of his fur so that she could more accurately analyze his physical and muscular stats. But Kagami didn't think that he'd have any problem ignoring that off-the-wall stuff and just focusing on the main meat of the training program. 

Eventually the four of them parted ways, with Riko and Hyuuga returning to the dorms of the university they attended together and Kagami and Nigou heading back towards their apartment. Kagami was all prepared to get some good rest that night, confident in the knowledge that Nigou was not as untrainable as he'd formerly believed and that he was going to impress the pants off of Kuroko when their anniversary finally rolled around. He had finally found the light at the end of the tunnel- all he had to do now was follow Riko's training regimen, and all of them would be home free. 

He was so tickled by the day's progress that, when he saw an abandoned lot a few blocks away from his home, he couldn't think of anything more entertaining to do with his time than to pull Nigou over and go through some of the exercises again, just the two of them. 

So Kagami, holding Nigou’s leash carefully as he pulled out the folded piece of loose-leaf that Riko had given him, went ahead and did just that.

When Riko or Hyuuga had been managing the leash back at the park, Nigou had behaved, if not perfectly, than at least like a normal dog would. He had listened to what they said and followed their commands with only minimal confusion. Even if it hadn’t been a flawless performance, just the fact that Nigou had been _trying_ had left Kagami floored. It had been a sight that he had never seen before.

But if Nigou's performance at the vacant lot was in any way indicative of the dog's future potential, it was a sight that Kagami was never going to see _again_.

"Come on, Nigou, you just learned this!" Kagami was almost ready to shout with frustration after the third botched attempt at a "sit and stay" exercise, one of the easier ones that Riko had developed for them. "It's not even hard. Just sit when I have my back turned toward you, and then when I turn around and call you, you can come and get a treat. Literally a toddler could understand this."

Nigou whined and nosed at his closed fist. Kagami looked at him fiercely. "Yeah, there's a treat in there. You'll get it once you've _earned_ it."

Suddenly, the wet nose was replaced by an even wetter tongue. Kagami let out a cry and jerked his hand away, squirming like a cephalopod. "Ew, gross! I don't even _want_ to know where that tongue's been. God, Nigou..."

Nigou took a pause from crunching the treat that Kagami had let fall to wag his tail. 

Kagami sighed, looking down at the slobber on his hand in distaste. "You're the worst, I swear. Clever, but the worst." 

After a quick check of his pockets revealed that he didn't have anything like a napkin or hand sanitizer or anything like that, Kagami scanned his surroundings to see whether or not there might be a public restroom somewhere. He noticed a little fast-food restaurant across the street, some inferior burger joint that Kagami had never been to but which, according to Kuroko, made a passable vanilla milkshake, and so he started dragging Nigou in that direction. Tying his leash to a bench by the storefront, he admonished the dog to _be good_ and then disappeared inside.

The bathroom inside was a good deal grosser than anything inside Nigou's mouth might have been. But still, Kagami risked it, and emerged from the washroom a few minutes later with clean hands and the smell of burgers in his nose. He looked over at the menu, noticed that they had a triple decker cheeseburger- a rare unicorn in the world of bargain fast food-, and felt himself start to salivate. 

_Might as well get something for Kuroko while I'm here,_ he thought as he approached the counter. _And maybe a little snack for myself too..._

By the time Kagami returned to Nigou, he was already halfway through the first of the three cheeseburgers he had purchased. However, as he had remembered before his sudden and intense beef cravings had begun, this restaurant was certainly no Maji.

"I mean, it tastes okay, I guess," he narrated to Nigou, who was sitting by the bench, resting his nose on Kagami's lap in an unmistakable posture of begging. "They're kidding me if they want me to believe that it's 100% beef, but the sauce is alright, I wonder what’s in it...."

Nigou flicked his tongue out. Kagami tensed, but then relaxed again as it missed coming into contact with his pants. 

He leaned back and crossed his arms, looking at the dog sternly. "I know as a fact you're not hungry, furball. Kuroko fed you right before he left. That couldn't have been more than two or three hours ago."

Nigou's blue eyes bored into Kagami's red ones. They were sad again. Kagami felt his resolve starting to crumble.

"...but I guess it's pretty rude, to talk about food without offering you some. Here," he said, breaking off a chunk of the burger. "Try this out."

The dog swallowed it down in one gulp. "Nigou, don't eat it like that! How can you taste it if you don't even chew? Let's try this again..."

Before Kagami knew it, he and Nigou had alternated bites through all three of the triple-decker cheeseburgers. They had shared them. Nearly half and half. Like some kind of cute lovey-dovey couple with really low standards for dates. 

Kagami looked from the stack of empty sandwich wrappers, to the dog sitting contentedly by his feet, to the wrappers again. “Tetsuya must never know,” he said simply, as he balled up his trash and tossed it into a nearby can.

Nigou barked. Kagami, relieved, took that as an agreement. 

 

Kagami’s luck being how it was, of _course_ Kuroko had gotten back to the apartment before them. And with him came a host of new questions.

“Oh, there you are. Did you take Nigou for a walk? That’s unusual, was there a special occasion?”

“Yeah, we went to the zoo. Tried to sell him, but the folks there weren’t interested,” Kagami said, struggling to keep Nigou from squirming as he unhooked the leash. As soon as the dog was free, he bounded over to Kuroko and body slammed him against the couch. Kuroko laughed and hugged him, and Kagami grit his teeth. “Can’t say that I blame them, either.”

“Don’t be rude,” Kuroko admonished, blue eyes peeking at Kagami from behind Nigou’s shoulder. “But thank you for taking him out- you didn’t need to do that. He’s _my_ dog, after all.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m awesome. Look, I even brought you a milkshake.” Kagami brought the cup over to the living room and sat it beside Kuroko on the table (his boyfriend’s arms were still a little bit too full of dog to hand it to him directly). “ _And_ I made reservations for our anniversary dinner, at that new restaurant you wanted to try.”

Kuroko closed his eyes, his face a picture of contentment. “You spoil me. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Kagami said, picking his way through the minefield of dog toys that was their living room. _Normal people don’t have to live like this_ , he lamented. “I’m going to go shower now. Start thinking about what you want for dinner.”

“Chicken stir fry,” came the immediate reply. “I’m having a craving.” 

“Whatever you want.”

“You’re my favorite, Taiga. Thank you.”

And for a moment, Kagami smiled and wondered whether Kuroko was really the spoiled one there.

 

 

 

_T-minus 3 days_

 

The training regimen went okay from then on. Not great, but okay. Kagami had sworn that he was going to follow Riko’s plan like a religious mandate, and, due to a rash of exams and papers that had Kuroko burning the midnight oil at the campus library, he had plenty of alone time at home with Nigou to honor that resolution. Little by little, after being bribed with an utterly hedonistic volume of treats, Nigou had learned basic skills such as (occasionally) sitting and staying on command. Although Kagami still hadn’t made much headway on getting him to stop some of the more annoying of his habits, like stealing food and wrecking up the place, he remained cautiously optimistic about the dog’s potential.

Until one day he came back from classes first to find Nigou laying on his back in the middle of the living room floor, wallowing blissfully in a massive cloud of fluff and torn fabric. 

Kagami looked at the couch and groaned. _Not the goddamn_ throw pillows. _Anything, anything but that._

The throw pillows had been a housewarming gift from Momoi and Aomine. Well, Kagami guessed he shouldn’t kid himself- they had been entirely from Momoi, and Aomine had just stuck his name on them at the last minute. But in any case, they were one of the few homey and decorative aspects of their house, and Kuroko continued to comment on how much he liked them at least, like, every other day. For Kagami’s part, he didn’t know what his boyfriend saw in them, and was a little jealous that freaking _Momoi_ had managed to give Kuroko a perfect gift when his own god-damned _boyfriend_ was incapable of doing the same, but right now that was a moot point. Because one of the pillows was in tatters on the floor, and Nigou looked utterly unrepentant for his actions, and had in fact just grabbed one of the larger clumps from the floor next to him and was trying to entice Kagami into playing with him, and Kagami and Kuroko’s anniversary was coming up in just _three goddamn days…_

Kagami couldn’t take it anymore. He dropped to his knees, wincing as he heard the floor strain to support his weight. Even Nigou seemed perplexed by his current actions, if the way that he dropped the toy and walked cautiously over to the redhead was any indication.

As soon as the dog came within arm’s reach, the redhead grabbed at his face with both hands. Nigou tried to wiggle away, but Kagami’s grip was firm.

“Nigou. Tetsuya number two. We need to have a serious conversation,” he choked out, forcing the dog to meet his eyes. The dog whined but acquiesced.

Relieved, Kagami took a deep breath and continued. “Look, I know that we’ve had our differences. I’m not a big fan of dogs, you’re not a big fan of me, or really anyone that tries to make you do anything you don’t want to do. But we do have one thing in common, right?”

He pushed his hands up and down, making Nigou nod his head and, inadvertently, causing him to sneeze right in Kagami’s face. Normally Kagami would have freaked out and ran directly for the shower at this, but he figured that he would let it slide for once. More important matters than dog boogers were at hand.

“Right. The thing that we have in common, is, that we both care about Tetsuya. A lot. And even though we love him in completely, one-thousand-percent different ways, don’t you think that, for his sake, we can come up with some kinda compromise?”

Nigou blinked. This seemed like a good sign, so Kagami continued. “You know what I want out of the bargain. Just for you to, like, not destroy everything, or tackle people, or make our lives a living hell like usual. And in return, I’m prepared to…”

Kagami racked his brain for possibilities. Being able to understand what the dog wanted was really more Kuroko’s area than Kagami’s, but for the sake of this historic truce, he would try his best to come up with an enticing concession. “...I’m prepared to let you sleep in the bed.” 

He regretted these words as soon as they left his mouth, even before Nigou started to wag his tail in a frankly disturbing display of comprehension. “Not every day though!” came the quick amendment. “Maybe every other day. And not on nights when we really need to sleep, like when it’s before a game. But yeah, if you can pretend to be a good dog, I will _occasionally_ let you sleep on the bed.”

Nigou continued to wag his tail. With a sigh, Kagami released his grip and stood up. “Alright, I guess we’ve got a deal. So now…” he looked back over at the living room and winced. At least all of the fluff had _settled_ now, and was no longer wafting through the air in weightless, protean clumps. “I guess there’s nothing else to do but clean this mess. And then call Momoi up to ask where I can get a replacement...”

 

 

_Friday the 28_ _ th_

 

For what must have been the hundredth time in the past few minutes, Kagami checked the kitchen timer. 

_Six minutes left_ , he thought. _That should give me just enough time to get this weird cake out of the oven and into hiding before Tetsuya gets back._

Originally, the "weird cake" had been a cheesecake. Kagami had found the recipe online the other day when he’d been waiting for Kuroko to finish in the library, listening to his stomach rumble and looking longingly at pictures of food. He’d been vaguely planning on making a special dessert for the two of them to eat after their anniversary dinner anyway, and a rich, dense cheesecake had sounded more than amazing right then.

The sample cake that he’d as a thank-you gift to Riko and Hyuuga had turned out okay (Kagami had never made this kind of desert before and wanted to give it a test run), and so he figured that a second attempt would also result in something edible. However, in a flash of temporary insanity when he’d been assembling the batter that afternoon, Kagami had decided to add some vanilla extract to the mix. This in itself might not have been a terrible idea- it was Kuroko’s favorite flavor, after all. But the bottle of vanilla extract that Kagami found was very old, and the cap was crusted shut, and as he finally managed to muscle it open, his grip slipped for a second and the entire jar went tumbling into the mixing bowl.

He had fished it out before much of the contents had escaped, but the dark brown swirl that it had left on the surface of the batter was definitely more than the single teaspoon that he’d been hoping for. But, since there hadn’t been enough time or ingredients to start a new cake, Kagami had just stirred the vanilla in and prayed for the best.

Once in the oven the cake began to smell much different than the previous one had- not necessarily bad, but a little more piquant than what Kagami had expected. Maybe frosting it would soften the flavor?

He found some powdered sugar in their sprawling explosion of a pantry and whipped it with some milk and butter, making sure to let the cake cool before he spread the mixture in gloopy circles across its surface. Then he checked his watch. 6:30. Kuroko should be back in about ten minutes; that should give him just enough time to get washed up and ready.

Before leaving the room, though, Kagami tucked the weird cake safely into the microwave and shut the door. Right then Nigou was napping peacefully in the living room, to all appearances completely uninterested by the activity in the kitchen, but Kagami wasn’t taking any chances. 

Yet inevitably, as soon as he left the shower and threw on the nice outfit that Alex had helped him put together over Skype the previous night, he heard a loud thud issue from the kitchen. And when he came to investigate it, he found Kuroko’s dog with his paws on the counter, shoulder deep in the open microwave, gobbling at the weird cake. 

“ _God damn it Nigou!”_ Kagami bolted across the room, grabbing Nigou around the chest and tackling him to the floor. Nigou squirmed, attempting to right himself, but Kagami didn’t budge. “I thought we had a deal!”

Nigou’s face was covered in frosting. Frosting and crumbs. Frosting and crumbs of _the cake that was supposed to be for Kuroko_. The redhead began to see red. 

“I should have known that this would happen,” Kagami groaned. He groaned even louder when Nigou shoved his nose into his armpit, smearing frosting across the fabric of his shirt. “This _always_ happens. Every time I try to do something nice for Tetsuya, to pay him back for even a fraction of a percent of what he’s done for me, it gets messed up somehow. I can never get him a good gift, or make him a good cheesecake, or train his stupid dog… if Tetsuya hadn’t said anything, I might even have forgotten about our anniversary. I mean, who _does_ that?”

Nigou continued to wiggle in Kagami’s grip, sending little flecks of frosting flying across the kitchen floor as he shook his fur out. The redhead watched, resigned, as his shirt became more and more speckled with white. 

Nigou’s breath smelled like vanilla in all the wrong ways. Kagami leaned back to get some fresh air, sneaking a glance at the countertop as he did so.

Something occurred to him then. “How is it even possible for a dog to open a microwave door?” he wondered. He grabbed one of Nigou’s paws and brought it close to his face for inspection, giving it a few experimental squeezes. “You don’t have a _thumb_. Or any _forearm strength_. I know I’m not that good a student, but doesn’t that go against the laws of physics somehow?”

The face that Nigou made in response was so dopey and innocent-looking that Kagami couldn’t help but chuckle, even if he was starting to suspect that the dog was doing this on purpose to lower his guard. For such a stupid creature, Nigou could be remarkably shrewd sometimes. “Yeah, you’re cute, a little bit,” he said, continuing to play around with the animal’s feet. Not only did he not understand how he could have opened a microwave with them (assuming that he hadn’t used his nose or teeth or whatever instead), but they were so darn little he also didn’t understand how they could support his weight at _all_. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m gonna let this go. There’s only one guy in this world who can use their cuteness on me to get away with things, and that’s Tetsuya.”

Nigou perked up a bit and looked over at the door, as if expecting Kuroko to come through it at any second just because his name had been uttered. Kagami sighed. “No, he’s not here. Luckily for you.”

"Actually, I've been here the whole time," came a soft voice from behind them. 

Kagami froze. 

Some of his mind right then was filled up with the usual emotions he felt whenever Kuroko successfully pulled off his misdirection on him: surprise was at the forefront, along with a weird little tinge of arousal mixed with annoyance that he was still falling for the same stupid tricks that had worked on him since their first year of high school. But most of Kagami's brain was filled with a feeling more akin to despair than anything else, a feeling like he was falling from a great height and had one or two more seconds to live before he hit the bottom. Both of his anniversary gifts had been destroyed, been torn apart in one fell swoop. He had nothing to offer Kuroko that night. He had failed as a boyfriend. 

But why then, he wondered, as he watched Kuroko appear seemingly out of thin air and come kneel down next to them, flushed pink in his winter jacket and a striped scarf, why did Kuroko look so darn _happy_?

"Well, perhaps not the whole time. I slipped in right as you and Nigou hit the ground earlier- I was also unable to see how he opened the microwave. That will have to remain an unsolved mystery."

Gloved hands found their way on top of Kagami's frosting-y ones, gently tugging his fingers loose from their grip on Nigou's paws. "I know it's fun to play with his little fuzzy puppy feet, but do be gentle. He needs those in order to walk."

Kuroko's hair tickled Kagami's face as he leaned in. The room got a few degrees hotter, and there might even have been an earthquake going on, because Kagami's chest felt decidedly rumbly. "Like I don't know that," he mumbled. 

His boyfriend smiled and dropped a quick kiss on his cheek. "I don't think I've ever seen you play with Nigou before, so I have to make sure that you're doing it right."

"I'm not playing with him! I'm scolding him!"

"Oh, is that so? That's a shame. I really wanted to see Nigou and Taiga playing and having fun together." 

Kagami grit his teeth and looked at the animal below him in distaste. “How could I possibly have fun with this thing? You know that I don’t like dogs.”

“My mistake, then” Kuroko pulled back a little bit, but continued to smile. “It’s just that ordinarily, when you tackle _me_ like that and start playing with _my_ body parts, we end up having a lot of fun. During which I don’t feel like you dislike me at all.”

Kagami felt himself blush. It was starting to become a familiar sensation ever since the beginning of his relationship with Kuroko. He had always known that his boyfriend’s humor was dry, and teasing, and a little bit merciless, but he had never expected that these at-best-neutral, at-worst-annoying aspects of his personality could have such an impact on him. He had never expected that he would start to love all the weird things about Kuroko… _just_ because they were a part of Kuroko. Who he loved... because of all of the weird things about him.

After a protracted groan about the illogicality of it all, Kagami shifted his position to free Nigou from his clutches. The dog hopped right up but didn’t run away, preferring to trot over to Kuroko and nudge at him with his nose. With long-suffering eyes, the redhead watched the pair of them nuzzle. “Alright, then,” he said, softly, uncertain if he wanted Kuroko to hear him. “Okay. Alright. I give up.”

But of course he _did_ hear. “Give up on what? Could it be that you’re breaking up with me?”

“Wait what? Geez, _no_ , no, why would you even think that?” Kagami raked a hand through his hair. “What I wanted to say is… well, Tetsuya, I love you. Completely. You know that already. And if this furry little monster is a part of you, then I’m going to learn to love him too.” He let out a breath. Having said that, it all seemed so _simple_ , and he wondered why it had taken this long for him to figure out what he had to do. 

The look on his boyfriend’s face right then was inscrutable, even by Kuroko’s standards. It made Kagami nervous, so he continued to ramble on. “I mean, he still needs to be trained, of course. I’m sorry I couldn’t do that for you for our anniversary. But in the meantime… I think I can be okay with him, in the meantime.”

Kagami had just about run out of things to say, but Kuroko was still silent, still staring at him with those big blue eyes. “And I meant what I said before, you know,” he said, scrambling for words. “Nigou really is kinda cute…”

And then all of the sudden the earth’s axis shifted, and Kagami found himself lying backwards on the floor, a heavy weight across his torso, with his vision impeded by the tasseled end of a fluffy blue and white striped scarf. It was disconcerting, at least until a string of words in his ear jerked his attention away.

“I had almost given up hope of ever hearing you say that.” For once there was no humor in Kuroko’s voice, but rather that same intense sincerity that had made Kagami fall for him in the first place. “This was why I felt reluctant to move in together in the first place. I was afraid that you would never warm up to Nigou, and that I would be forced to make a difficult decision.”

“I didn’t ever want to make things difficult,” Kagami whispered back, stroking the back of Kuroko’s head as he spoke. “Really, all I’ve ever wanted was to make everything perfect for you. I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to… you know. Adjust.”

He could physically feel Kuroko smile at that remark, his boyfriend’s face pressed into his neck as it was. “No, I think your timing was excellent.”

“Hm? How do you figure?”

“Think about it. Do you think I could have asked for a better anniversary gift than seeing the two of you get along so well?”

Kuroko pulled back to look at Kagami’s face, probably hoping to catch a glimpse of the flabbergasted expression that he had to know would be there. But Kagami was too quick for him. Because as soon as Kuroko’s lips were within striking distance, he went in for the kiss. And no matter how much Nigou barked and rampaged and went back for more helpings of weird cake, he didn’t pull away for a long, long while.

 

 

_Saturday the 29_ _ th_

 

“So, Taiga. Aren’t you curious at all about what my anniversary present to you might be?”

It was just past midnight, Kagami had his arms wrapped around his becomingly naked boyfriend as they lay on the bed, flushed and sweaty after a second bout of lovemaking, and no, at that moment, he did not really care what Kuroko had gotten him for their anniversary. He already had everything that he wanted. 

Of course if he said any of this, that would just get him made fun of him for being sappy. And since right at that moment Kagami preferred a cuddly and boneless Kuroko to a teasing and fully-awake one, that didn’t give him a lot of options about how to respond. “Mm. I guess so. What did you get me?” 

“It’s in the closet,” Kuroko said, a pillow muffling his voice. “In a decorative box.”

Kagami chuckled. “A decorative box, huh? You really went all out with this, didn’t you?”

“I gave it a good deal of thought, yes.” Kuroko nudged at Kagami’s calf with his foot. “You should open it.”

As much as Kagami would have preferred to stay in bed and bask in the afterglow like they usually did, orders were orders. And so he picked himself up off of the mattress, wincing a little as a fresh set of scratch marks pulled across his back, and headed to the closet. The decorative box was there, as Kuroko promised, and inside that box there was a heap of light blue fabric. 

Kagami picked it up and looked over at Kuroko quizzically. “What’s this?”

“It’s a blanket. To sleep under during the cold winter nights.” 

It was, indeed, a blanket. Kagami poked at it experimentally. A very _soft_ blanket. “Oh. Great, it’s a nice color,” he said. “So, it’s, ah, to replace the one we have on the bed? You should have said something earlier, I never knew that you had a problem with it before.”

Kuroko, still laying on his side in bed, blinked slowly. “Oh, I don’t have a problem with it. I thought that you did- you always complain about me stealing the covers at night . This new blanket is a great deal bigger than the other one, so that shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

As soon as Kuroko explained his reasoning, it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world. And Kagami had to admit that it was a pretty perfect present. A more violent display of affection would have made him uncomfortable and wasn’t really Kuroko’s style either. But a small thing like this, something that would make their life together run just a little bit smoother- Kagami couldn’t have asked for anything better than that. 

“Thanks. I love it.”

Kuroko smiled and got up also, stretching his limbs lazily. He walked over to Kagami and pulled at a corner of the blanket. “Want help putting it on the bed?”

As soon as their bed was remade, Kuroko yawned, stating in no uncertain way that he was ready to crawl in and call it a night. And Kagami couldn’t have agreed with him more. He did have one thing to do before turning in, though.

He picked up their old blanket from the floor. Kuroko had folded it into a precise rectangle before setting it down- Kagami tried to maintain the shape as he hoisted it up and dropped it at the foot of the bed. 

“Taiga?”

Kagami looked over at his boyfriend, meeting the question in his sleepy eyes with a shrug. “Me and Nigou made a deal, a little while back. And since he’s at least kind of held up his end of the bargain, I figure I should do the same.”

Taking a deep breath, he stepped over to their bedroom door. It had been tightly closed earlier to prevent any canine intruders from disrupting their anniversary celebrations. On a normal night, the pair of them would have left it that way until dawn. But it wasn’t a normal night, was it?

When he opened the door, Nigou was there, laying on his side in front of the threshold. Upon seeing Kagami, however, he hopped right up to his feet, wagging his tail madly. “You can come in now, furball. We’re done.” 

Kagami didn’t need to tell Nigou twice. The dog trotted into the bedroom and jumped right up on the old blanket, curling himself into a little ball before closing his eyes. The redhead smiled in spite of himself. The dog just looked so _content_. Like he was sleeping on a cloud or something rather than a regular and soon-to-be overcrowded bed.

He glanced over at Kuroko, and for a moment, the look in his boyfriend’s eyes made him feel a little cloudy himself. 

“Thanks, Taiga.” 

Kagami blushed. “Whatever. Just get into bed. It’s late and you’re tired.”

And for once, Kuroko was the one to follow Kagami’s orders. Within a minute, the lights were out and the three of them had settled down into bed. The addition of the dog to their nightly duo meant that Kagami’s sleeping position was more contorted and strange than it might usually be. But Kuroko’s hand was pressed up against his, and Nigou’s breath wasn’t that bad, and, all in all, he found the whole ordeal surprisingly bearable.   


 


End file.
